Having spent the beginning of the covid period writing daily poems, getting involved with endless online events, launching a book in lockdown (get in touch at caralmckee at gmail dot com to get your copy), and with a flurry of poetry publications in journals and the like, I found this year's quietness a surprise.
Family members took ill and died (not covid, but certainly not helped), my children struggled with the endless days of schoolwork and not much else, we all struggled. On the day my daughter's guinea pig died she said "everything is dying and nothing is good." I couldn't argue with her.
I also couldn't write. I did try sometimes. I attended some events, I tried to style myself through it, but I felt like everything I wrote was terrible. Instead of enjoying events and poetry podcasts I would think them irrelevant or pointless, or decide that if I thought anything was good it was so good I could never aspire to it and so I should give up and leave the pool for the good swimmers.
Sometimes, particularly when I needed to keep my brain busy, I figured that while it maybe wasn't the time for me to be growing my poetry writings, it was perhaps alright for me to let them go out into the world. I've not sent out as much writing this year, but I've been a bit more succesful than usual so far. I sent a lot out in Autumn, so as we come to the end of the year my rejection rate is somewhere between half and three quarters, and that's pretty wide! I won't achieve 100 rejections this year. Perhaps next.
Anyway, I was glad to get a poem into Dodging the Rain again at Christmas, it's a beautiful online poetry journal, always worth a read. For more of my poetry successes, check out this page, which I keep updated.
“Living is not as easy as they all make it seem. It is not as simple as breathe in and breathe out. It is not as simple as sleep, eat, work, repeat, sleep, eat, work, repeat. It is not as easy as they all make it look. You made it to today. You made it this far, well done you, and thank you. Thank you. Thank yourself. Thank you.”
So next year, what are you looking forward to? I am hoping for hugs and holidays and cheese and chips on the front with crowds of people. I am hoping my library gets to open and I get to work in it for all its hours. I am hoping that I'll feel better about what I write, and get better at it, and that I'll read something amazing and want to share it with everybody. I hope I get to run reading or writing groups with other people hanging out in the same space. I hope there's cake. I'll bring cake. Maybe we'll all bring cake.
Whatever it brings I wish you the best. I wish you warm socks and laughter, and comfort in your skin. Also, I recommend mulled gin (we got ours from Booths) and cloudy apple juice, and mince pie brownies from Love Brownies (or make your own).
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